Back to Normal?
by finnstardust
Summary: John and Elizabeth deal with the events of The Long Goodbye. Fluff, spoilers for TLG.


A little post The Long Goodbye piece of fluff...Hope you like, let me know!

* * *

Caldwell exited the infirmary, the sound of his footsteps disappearing as he made his way down the hallway. A silence descended on the room and John dared a glance at Elizabeth, who seemed to wish for the bed to split open and swallow her, staring at the ceiling, a slight redness coloring her cheeks. He sighed, glancing down at his PDA and setting it down on the bed.

"So."

She sunk in a little bit further. "So."

"I guess we should talk about…what happened."

The faint redness on her cheeks got a shade darker. "I guess so."

Silence. He dared another glance at her just at the same time as she turned her head the smallest possible amount in order to see him from the corner of her eye.

John couldn't quite comprehend how uncomfortable this was. Here he was, lying in the infirmary with a woman who was technically his boss – even though they pretty much ran the expedition as equals now – recovering from their bodies having been overtaken by alien consciences during which Elizabeth had tried to kill him, both directly and with the reluctant assistance of Teyla, shot Ronon, threatened to kill ¾ of the expedition members AND kissed him. He shook his head a little: nobody could claim life on Atlantis was boring.

Elizabeth made an attempt at conversation. "John…"

"We don't have to talk about it." Caldwell's face as he teased them for the kiss flashed in his mind and he grimaced. "We _really_ don't have to talk about it."

"OK." Elizabeth's relieved response came way too fast and he shot her a glare.

"Don't sound so happy."

"I'm not, I…" she twisted the bedcovers in her hands. "I just don't really know what to say."

"The great Elizabeth Weir is speechless." John chuckled. "That's a rare occurrence."

A smile graced her lips and he tried very hard to drag his eyes away from her mouth but damn if he didn't remember what her lips felt like against his, the way her hands felt holding his face. Of course it hadn't really been her but the vindictive Phoebus, attempting to fool everyone into thinking they were husband and wife when in reality Thalan had been her mortal enemy. From the looks that had been on the faces of their little audience after she pulled away, he could tell she had succeeded handsomely.

And he was so not thinking about that kiss. Ever.

Elizabeth had fallen silent once again, watching him from the corner of her eye. The white scrubs fitted very snugly against her body and he dragged his eyes away from her breasts. It wasn't safe to look anywhere anymore.

"Anyway", she started again. "I just wanted to say…"

"Well well, Mr. and Mrs. Smith have finally woken up!" Rodney walked into the room, a smirk on his face and John wondered how many years it would take for him to live down everything that had happened in the few short hours. Probably quite a few.

Elizabeth's face was a picture. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith?"

"Yeah, you know, a married couple, hired to kill each other, stuff happens", Rodney bit into a power bar and flung himself on a chair by the door of the infirmary. "I have to say, Elizabeth, I never expected you to shoot at me."

A blush crept on the diplomat's face again. "I assure you, Rodney, it wasn't me." She gave the physicist a bright smile. "No matter how much I sometimes wish to…attempt at something like that."

A look of shock on Rodney's face was priceless. "I resent that! You want to kill me?"

"It was a stunner blast, Rodney." John reminded.

"Shut up you…you…wait a minute, you would have done the same thing to Ronon if she hadn't got there first, wouldn't you?" Rodney stumbled to his feet. "Exactly how much repressed anger do you two feel towards people you call friends?"

"Rodney…"

The scientist ignored his name spoken simultaneously by both John and Elizabeth and hurried out of the infirmary, mumbling something about having to warn all the other expedition members. John chuckled softly and Elizabeth shook her head.

"Poor Rodney. He's traumatized for the rest of his life."

"You do have to admit he had a point, Elizabeth"; he reminded. "Where in the world have you learned to handle a gun like that? Not to mention to disarm a bunch of guards led by Major Lorne who I have to say is not an easy man to surprise."

She gave him an innocent smile, pulling the covers higher over herself. "I have my secrets."

She closed her eyes and was asleep before John could say anything else and he smiled to himself, settling comfortably onto the bed and resuming his earlier activity of watching her sleep, the PDA just within reach in case she suddenly woke up and noticed what he was doing.

* * *

TWO WEEKS LATER

After Beckett had released them from the infirmary, deeming them to be 100 back to themselves and free of any alien influence, John had noticed some wariness from the other personnel, a lot of whispering and gossiping in the city hallways and on top of all a new kind of respect towards Elizabeth. The word of her disarming the security as well as shooting Ronon and stunning Caldwell, Carson, Teyla and Rodney had spread like a wildfire and the behaviour of their normally calm and collected leader was the topic of many discussions John overheard as he walked by. He occasionally felt the need to remind people it hadn't really been Elizabeth but figured the rumours would abound for a while no matter how they tried to justify their behaviours.

She was back at work as normal, just concluding a briefing with Major Lorne's team as John crossed the bridge between the control room and her office, nodding at the men filing out of the room.

"Colonel", Lorne greeted him.

"Major. Going off-world?"

"Yes, just a routine check of the nearby planets. Listen, Colonel, can I ask you something?"

"Of course." John glanced into the office and noticed Elizabeth was busy typing on her laptop. "Go ahead."

"Well, as you remember when Phoebus was in control of Dr. Weir's conscience she was very efficient with the P90."

John rolled his eyes. "How could I forget?"

Lorne smiled. "I was just wondering if she is capable of such skill herself, or if it was entirely Phoebus's doing."

"You want to know whether Elizabeth can shoot and kick ass like that when she isn't being possessed?"

"Well, if you wish to put it like that…yes."

John scratched his head. "To be honest, Major, I have no idea. I know she's taken some basic self-defence lessons back in Earth but using a P90 like that…it would have required extensive training. It is possible it was entirely from Phoebus's influence but I don't know."

"She still wants to kill me though", Rodney's voice whined from behind them and John rolled his eyes.

"Get over yourself, Rodney."

The scientist huffed. "Excuse me for wanting to protect my life. Major, your team is ready to step through the gate."

"Thank you, McKay. Colonel."

John nodded. "Major. Be safe out there."

He got rid of Rodney with some random excuse and continued along the bridge to Elizabeth's office. She was reading a report on her laptop's screen, frowning, swirling a pen between her long fingers. Occasionally she tapped the pen against her lips and John's mind was filled with forbidden thoughts again. During the past couple of weeks neither of them had mentioned the kissing incident and while he hadn't really expected them to, there was a part of him that was very curious as to whether the woman kissing him had been 100 Phoebus or if there had been a little bit of Elizabeth in the mix.

Then again, why would Elizabeth want to kiss him?

He cleared his throat at her doorway and Elizabeth's head snapped up. "John."

"Elizabeth." He moved into the office and seated himself on her couch. "Busy?"

"When am I not?"

He chuckled. "Good point."

She smiled, lowering the pen on the table and leaning back in the chair. "I assume you want to talk about this afternoon's mission?"

His gaze travelled along the walls of her office. "No, not really."

Elizabeth frowned. "What then?"

He returned his eyes to hers for the briefest moment but saw that she understood nevertheless. "Oh."

"It's just…we haven't talked about it after the infirmary and I thought that maybe…"

She rubbed her neck. "John, I'm kind of wishing to forget the whole thing ever happened."

Why did he feel so disappointed? "All of it?"

This time, it took her a little bit longer to figure out what he was talking about.

"John, that was…it wasn't me."

He looked at his hands. "That's your answer to everything these days."

"Yes, because it's true." She frowned. "Don't you want to…forget about it?"

He stood up, abruptly. "I don't know."

Starting to pace the room, he could feel Elizabeth's eyes on him, following his every movement. "John…"

"I know it wasn't you", he interrupted. "I know that under normal circumstances you wouldn't even dream about kissing me and I know Phoebus kissed Thalan only to fool all the others but…I guess I just wanted to know if you still remember it. Or something like that."

"Of course I remember it." She hesitated, rising from he chair and moving to join him on the opposite side of the room. "It's not like I've kissed that many people here."

He shook his head and chuckled at her teasing tone. "So you decided to choose me as the first?"

Elizabeth shrugged. "Why not? You're as good a choice as anyone else."

She placed her hand on his arm and squeezed gently. "Give me some time, John, OK? I haven't completely come to terms with what I did and…the experience of someone else ruling my body was somewhat intense."

"I know." He covered her hand with his, feeling the warmth of her fingers. "Whenever you're ready."

"Thank you, John."

He started to exit her office when something made him turn back. "By the way, Lorne wants to know if you can kick his ass without any alien influence as well."

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I think he's jealous." He gave her a quick smile. "After all, you did sort of…defeat him."

"Don't remind me." Elizabeth returned to her chair and he turned to go again. "Oh, and John?"

"Yeah."

"Under normal circumstances…I would still have chosen you to kiss."

John could feel his jaw drop open and Elizabeth gave him a teasing smirk, again swirling the pen between her fingers. "Off you go. I believe Rodney needs you."

He glanced across the bridge and saw the scientist in the control room, impatiently waving his arms at him. John acknowledged the other man with a nod and looked back to Elizabeth, wanting to say something but words escaped him. She looked up, a small smile playing on her lips – why had he never before noticed what amazingly beautiful lips she had?

"I'll…uh…see you… later, I guess." Great, now he sounded like a stammering idiot with a crush.

Elizabeth nodded. "Of course."

John managed to turn around and make his way out of her office without further incidents and without turning back – if he had, he would have seen her sitting there, the smile dying from her lips as she tried to force back the tears rising into her eyes.

* * *

Elizabeth watched as John walked away from her and to Rodney who looked annoyed for having been made to wait. She quickly wiped her eyes dry; she didn't want anyone to see her cry, didn't want to have to explain how the events two weeks ago had affected her, how hard it now was to even be in the same room with her 2IC after they had crossed the border she had tried very hard to hold on to. He didn't need to know how desperately she wanted to kiss him again.

Focusing on the report and pushing everything else from her mind, she managed to get some work done until her growling stomach reminded her it was way past lunchtime and she didn't remember eating breakfast. Saving her work and closing the computer lid, she started towards the mess hall, only to run into John on the bridge. And not just John but also a cup of coffee and a plateful of delicious looking sandwiches.

Elizabeth closed her eyes, her lips breaking into a slight smile. "What's this?"

"Your combined breakfast and lunch", he replied, moving forward and he had no option but to backtrack into her office. John placed the food onto the table and motioned for her to sit down, throwing himself on the couch once again, watching her with cool eyes and an unreadable expression.

"Well, thank you." She picked up a sandwich and played with it for a while before placing it back down, her hunger diminished.

John cocked his head. "You've been crying."

There was no accusation in his voice, no question, just a statement. Words of denial immediately sprung to her lips but she realized it was useless: from the way her eyes were still burning she knew she hadn't managed to hide all the signs of her earlier emotional outburst. So instead she just took a sip of her coffee and said nothing.

"Would you like to tell me what's wrong?"

Elizabeth sighed. "Nothing's wrong, Colonel, I'm just tired."

He grinned. "Then why are you calling me by my rank? You only do that when you're really pissed off at me. And I can't right now think of anything I might have done wrong in the past few days."

"It's not about you, John."

"No?" He pretended to look surprised. "I'm off the hook? Phew!"

She couldn't help but laugh and John looked satisfied.

"Listen, I know what happened was tough, and I know you probably blame yourself for it but we really had no idea Phoebus would take control like that. Nothing really bad happened, that is the main thing."

"But Ronon could have died", she said quietly. "I could have killed a lot of people, destroyed this city. I can't just forget that."

"I'm going to take the risk of sounding like you here but it wasn't you, Elizabeth. You're not a bad person like she was, not even close."

She sniffed. "I don't think Phoebus was bad, really. She just wanted revenge. She wanted to finally win the war against Thalan's people. How can I say I wouldn't do the same thing if I was in that situation? How do I know the way I would behave?"

John shrugged. "You can't."

She gave him a small smile, picking up one of the sandwiches again and actually taking a bite this time, then another one and another one. John watched with a smile as the sandwich disappeared and she picked up another.

"Hungry?"

"Starving. Thank you, John. Really."

He smiled. "They're only sandwiches."

"No, I mean for everything. For understanding."

He couldn't think of a proper enough reply and just watched as she finished the sandwich, gulping down the rest of the coffee.

"I could use some fresh air." Elizabeth rose from her desk and walked to the balcony door, enjoying the view that opened in front of her as the door swished open, the blue sky and the glittering ocean. It occurred to her she hadn't been here with him in a while and also what significance the place held for them: this was where they'd had their first argument, the most meaningful discussions and strategy meetings; this was where he'd given her the vase for her birthday last year. She leaned

on the railing and smiled as John appeared beside her, arms crossed, staring into the vastness of the water below them.

"John…about what you asked earlier", she cleared her throat. "I'm not sure how much of that P90 I could use if you threw one at me now, or how much ass I could kick, like you elaborately put it. When Phoebus was in my head, it felt…I have never wanted to carry a gun."

"I know", he said, simply. "But you should be able to defend yourself. Especially when going off-world."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Will you show me?"

"If you want me to."

She glanced at him, smiling softly. "I'd like that. Who knows, maybe I get to kick your butt for a change."

John snorted. "Now that I wouldn't miss for the world."

They fell into a companionable silence for a moment, just listening at the waves crashing against the city, both deep in thoughts. He was the first one to break the silence.

"Why were you crying?"

Elizabeth stiffened, disappointed at herself for thinking he may have forgotten that already, knowing he probably never would forget the first time he'd seen her show genuine sadness like this.

"I was…like I said, I was just tired."

"That's bullshit, Elizabeth", he swore softly. "Why won't you tell me the real reason?"

"Because you don't need to know that."

"You said it's not about me, what is it?" He could be so damn persistent at times and she felt her resolve crumbling. And it was about him, God, it was all about him. And the suspicion in his eyes told her he knew this all too well.

Suddenly John turned to face her, grasped her wrist and yanked her closer before she could do anything to object.

"It's about this, isn't it?"

From all the memories she had of kissing him she knew it had been exactly like this. She knew she had walked to him, placed her hands on either side of his head and pulled him down to her like he was the only one who could put out the raging need in her. And even though that kiss had been just to fool the others in the room into thinking they had indeed been husband and wife, there was nothing more than pure need and flames of desire in his eyes just before he lowered his mouth on hers.

Elizabeth gasped at the exquisite feeling of his beautiful lips tightly pressed against her own, his hands in her hair as he pulled her closer still and gently coaxed her into opening her mouth and the sensations in her threatened to overflow. John kissed her hungrily and she knew this was what she had been waiting for ever since…she couldn't even remember how long, probably the beginning of this expedition and when she had seen him for the first time in that control chair back in Antarctica. Tiny moans rose from her throat as she surrendered herself to him, her tongue battling his and she could only feel gratitude that something this beautiful had come from one of the most harrowing experiences of her life.

After what felt like a small eternity, John pulled back and her eyes opened at the feeling of loss, only to find his warm green eyes very close to her face. He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly, eyes never leaving hers.

"Wow."

A nervous giggle escaped her lips. "Yeah. Wow."

His lips curved into a smile. "Just to make sure…you're Elizabeth, right?"

She slapped his arm. "Funny, John. And yes, I should think so."

"Just wanted to be sure." He chuckled softly before kissing her again. "So, was I right?"

"About what?" She mumbled between the heated kisses, not wanting to waste time on talking.

"That you were crying because of this part of our little…adventure."

Elizabeth pulled back, searching his face and seeing nothing but honest concern for her. She bit her lip before finally nodding.

"I thought…I was worried I had lost out friendship. That Phoebus had managed to destroy the one thing that means more to me than anything else."

John pressed a kiss on her forehead before pulling her into a hug; she rested her head against his chest and listened to his slightly fastened heartbeat.

"She didn't even come close."

She felt his lips in her hair. "Nothing can destroy that, Elizabeth. We've worked too damn hard to get to this point in our relationship; I sure as hell won't let any alien possessions come in the way of that."

Elizabeth felt tears rising into her eyes again; he was right. They had built this relationship steadily from the beginning, through bad times and good times, from complete lack of trust to him being the only one she could fully place her trust on. And she wouldn't have had it any other way.

He sighed. "I should get ready for that mission."

She shook herself out of her thoughts and pulled away from him. "Right. I should get back to work."

"Hey", John pulled her back to him before she could get too far and kissed her again; she sighed against his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck, completely forgetting all about work until he reluctantly released her.

"Rodney is screaming into my ear", he sighed. "I'd better go before he finds us. I'll see you later."

"You bet", she smiled and watched him walk back into her office. Soon she would need to go and send his team off to the mission but right now she could still gather her thoughts here, in her favourite place of the entire city, a place she had only ever shared with John.

* * *


End file.
